ta isiha vradia - arleta

my absolute best friends don’t live anywhere close to me. they either live abroad or in different cities. i am reffering to the ones that i will call when things go well, the ones that if i texted them that i need to get out of the house they would drop what they’re doing to see me.

i do have some amazing friends in my city. with some i can do all the things i would do with my best friends. but this is not about them at all. you can have amazing people in your life and still miss the ones that are far away.

i knew from a somewhat early age, compared to other people my age, to be ok with the fact that my friends will be far away from me. the program i did in school was preparing us to all study abroad. so with some of the friends i have now, the ones left from my high school group, we knew from the start of our friendship that we only have 2 years tops when we’ll be close to one another. that kind of strenghtened the friendships.

but i don’t think any type of preparation can help you with understanding and dealing with adult friendships. we all have our own lives, which is kind of awsome. and it’s so lovely being able to experience my friends from this point of view. being able to see them grow from the sidelines. i am always so excited to hear about their lives and the people in them who i don’t know. their jobs and their schools and their favourite pubs. i know they are too.

but ultimately when i go to bed at night, dissatisfied from my day and all i can think of is that i would so go for a drink right now, i miss them. i miss living in the same city with the people i love. some of them have never lived in my city. some of them are not even from my country. some of them i met when i was travelling. some when i was in school. but it’s such a pain to want to go out for coffee with someone that lives across the continent or the globe. sometimes i see an even going on in my city and all i can think of is how it would be so fun if my friend was there. there’s parties that my travel friends would love. the other day i found a new vegetarian place, i was amazing. my boyfriend would absolutely love it.

it’s such a blessing and a priviledge, but such a pain to have your heart separated in small pieces, scattered everywhere on the globe. i am so proud of my friends and so happy for them and everything they’re achieving and everyone they’re meeting but i wish i could have some time with them too once in a while. i wish i could drive over to my friend’s house and drink some homemade wine after a long day of school and work. i wish i could go to my favorite cafe with my friend that i used to go out with every 3 days with when we were in school.

my boyfriend told me something some time ago that made me bawl my eyes out after we hang up. he said “i am so excited to see the texture of your face again”. and it is this simple. thank fuck for phones and videocalls but i want to see the texure of my people’s skin. we’ve become so desensitized to screens and seeing people on screens but that’s not what it’s all about. my love extends further than that. after a good night out with my favorite people to ever exist, i have so much love in me i could become a liquid. i would become a liquid if that meant i can be inserted and distributed in everyone i love. i would become air so they could breathe me. i would do anything to live through them. this may sound a bit excessive but this is what i feel. i could turn into a liquid.

this is getting a bit chaotic actually. i don’t exactly know how to talk about this. bottom line is i wish the people i love lived closer to me. or i wish i lived somewhere other than my hometown.

living in my hometown makes this even harder. i feel like i am constantly wiaiting, longing, yearning for my friends’ vacations so they can come back and i can see them. i love my city but if whenever i was living somewhere else it was always easier to deal with this. everything here is filled with memories of people that are no longer around. it’s very hard to be the one left behind. i don’t know if i can actually classify as that but sometimes it feels like it. it’s difficult to be the one that drives people at the airport, it’s hard stopping before the security check. i will always be standing before the security check doors.

i would become a 25ml liquid if i could and i would place myself in a small bottle in their bags. fuck the security check doors.